Today I was interviewed by journalist Jonathan Ancer for an article he is writing on fringe cycling and cyclists. He asked me what is the best chirp I have heard whilst riding my uni. I couldn’t remember a single one because there are so many. Best I ask all the uni WhatsApp groups that I have setup for unicyclists in South Africa.

If you are a non South African reader then you’ll need to understand the definition of chirp.


Verb – to speak to someone rudely or in a mocking way

Noun – a complaint or mocking comment


  • “You are 50% less prone to punctures”.
  • “Did your wife half your cycling budget?”.
  • “Is that the front or rear wheel you were left with after the divorce?”.
  • “At least you can’t get 2 tired on that thing”.
  • The obvious one: “Where’s the rest of your bike, dude?”.
    “Not a bike, dude!”.
  • “Look! A monocle”.
  • “These potholes are getting bad, this guy lost half his bike in them”.
  • While on my Muni in Giba Gorge 4 mountain bikers came past and one guy said “Where’s your other wheel?”.
    I replied “Messy divorce. She took half of everything. You should see my car”.
    Quick as a flash one of the others chirped, “Hey dude, you should have fought harder for the bike!”.
  • “Go get him boy! Don’t let that bloody bastard take your wheel like that!”.
  • Whilst riding my 36er in Umhlanga a lady walking her dog commented “Ooh! You’ve got a big one!”.
    I couldn’t resist replying “Not really ma’am, it’s just the lycra that makes it look like that”.
  • “Somebody stole the rest of your bike”. But I’m sure everybody has heard that one.
  • “Are the clowns following you?”.
  • “Where’s the other wheel?”.
    Standard response, “I left it at your mother’s house!”.
  • Their chirp, “You are crazy”.
    My response, “That is what the other voices keep telling me”.
  • “Wheelie hom!” (direct Afrikaans translation – wheelie him).
  • “You must spend more money to buy a whole bicycle”.
  • “Do a wheelie!”.
  • From a bunch of old guys playing with a Frisbee in a park when I rode past, “At least we look normal for once”.
  • “You’re lying! You’re lying!”.
  • Classic one, “Where’s the rest of your bike”.
    My typical response: “This is all I need”.
  • “You’ve lost your front wheel”.
  • My typical response: “The most fun you can have on one wheel”.
  • Walking out of Sun City after a gig, I was pushing both the 20″ and the 5 ft giraffe.
    I heard a guy say, “There goes a man desperately in need of a welding machine” as I walked past.
  • “Did you get that on a half price sale?”.
  • From a bike rider, “You lost a wheel”.
    The comeback, “I took the training wheel off”. Kills the conversation.
  • Cause Matt and I mostly ride together, “Where’s your other wheel?”.
    “His using it!”.
    Or if I’m alone, “I left it at home with my handlebars”.
  • A guy asked, “What tricks can I do on that thing?”.
    Before thinking I said “Wheelie…ing with no hands. Can you?”.
  • I tend to get circus ones, “Do you perform at parties?”.
  • Shaun’s response to the “Where’s the other wheel?” chirp from our ride this weekend.
    “That’s so 8 years ago”. He has been riding for 8 years.
  • Onlooker, “Can you pop a wheelie?”.
    “Tada!”, whilst just riding. You know level 1.
  • When on my muni and someone says, “Yoh! That must be difficult!”.
    I reply, “If it was easy it would be called mountain biking”.


  • Not a chirp but I’ve see 2 commuting cyclists crash into each other head on because they were staring at me. Now that was funny!
  • Facial expressions in some of the rural areas… Priceless!

Well that was fun!

Thanks OddWheelers for your input!